Sabine Rückert's Career Advices for Young Women

Career Advices for Young Women

By Sabine Rückert

[Sabine Rückert, a German journalist, is now one of the leading editors of Die Zeit, a highly influential and traditional newspaper, still basically dominated by males. For the 75th anniversary of Die Zeit, she was asked to give some hints to young women for their careers in this man's world. As I think her advice is really interesting, I did my best to translate her exquisite German text [ http://www.zeit.de/2016/06/junge-frauen-karriere-familie-sabine-rueckert/komplettansicht ] into English, having in mind several young woman I know that may enjoy reading this. - Jorge Leuschner]

1. Plato is lying

Some 2,500 years ago, the Greek philosopher Plato has set mankind a silly idea into the head: He claimed that the human being is an incomplete half. Originally it was made as a ball - with four arms and four legs. But because it was very strong and had a perfectly round self-confidence in this condition - and therefore very nasty to the gods -, the envious gods cut the ball and threw the halves back to earth.

What a desperate tumult started!

People, millions, in search of the only possible half - true love. The divide of man was for Plato the cause of all erotic longing.

Well - unfortunately we still believe it.

Especially for women, I am afraid, this is a wrong track to follow. Dear reader, you are looking for something in vain! Your second half is not there. You are all alone the ball: round and beautiful. No one has to complete you, defend you or give you even meaning. Of course, you can get together with other balls for any period of time. But you do not have to. If each ball rolls in its own direction, this is just as well.

2. The happy ending is a myth

Why love is so important for women? I do not know, and it annoys me a bit. I have a now 19-year-old daughter, and therefore insight into much of what is generally portrayed as desirable for today's female teenagers. Consuming books and movies that are tailored to this group, you might feel that the goal of the 21st century women is to get a man. In former times, it should be the a noble; today, he should be well looking, with a gloomy mystery, and a noble mind. Fairy tales, literature, girls series, advertising, college movies - everything aims to trim young women on the delusion of eternal love. This is called conditioning. At the end they fall into each other's arms, guaranteed, at least in fiction. Makes me warm in my heart - but cold down the spine.

On January 18, 2016 the Bild newspaper stated in a title: "Wedding Preparations - for men a nightmare, for women the meaning of life".

Ayatollah Khomeini could not have said it better.

3. He does not carry you in his arms

Men are a wonderful thing - if one does not allow them everything. And with this "not allowing" I do not only mean mere inattentiveness or recklessness, but also all the niceties. Of course it's nice when the manager (most are still male) invites the young starting female professional to a meal, or offers to be her mentor (we care for women, they say). This is friendly. Why should you not accept that? Secretly you are even proud.

But remember: The grant does not mean basically you. Something like this is happening thousands of times. And next year begins a much more lovely colleague. Therefore remember: You are replaceable. It is better, your boss is proud of your performance than of your company. And much better even: You yourself are proud of your performance and not about going out with him. You are the benchmark for yourself.

Eventually, you will have to overtake your kind mentor and leave him behind. So make sure that you then owe him nothing.

A man who has money or power gets women pretty cheap. As it cost him not much, he does not have to care so much. Do not get into any deal - even if it may look tempting at first.

You, only you, are the author of your life. Your approach must endure, even in crises, and surely when you can not score with youthfulness anymore. And that day comes. This is why you should not deal for preferences, you should not submit, not become dependent on praise. Prepare and train yourself properly, work hard, do not stop learning, and look to the money. You do not need a protector. It is nice when people like you, but is more important that they respect you.

4. Thinking is better than feeling

Here is a requiem to the prop. Fall in love with whom you want, but be sure that you do not fall by the wayside and become an accessory. Strangely enough, women tend to this until today. There exist still these couples where the male is 100 percent, and she is the rest. I can not imagine that living as a cheerleader will make me happy. We belong to a gender that, until recently, would be referred to in the same breath with brandy and cigars. Something to enjoy, a status symbol. It is not a fulfilling life purpose anymore to merely look up the herd leader and be to service to the great man. Or is there a little coward anger in you regarding the "live your own life", the "do it yourself", which includes also a possible "fail for yourself" or "win for yourself"? Fair enough, also this may be a part of female freedom. Although it not the one I mean.

5. Better beautifully divorced than badly married

In past times not only everything was better, but also the men were still faithful, and the marriages lasted. Yes, earlier in the good old days, because women would die in childbirth, and the man survived three wives - each time inconsolable.

Today we women survive childbirth. But everything has its price. The husband may not remain until the bitter end with you, sometimes he leaves even when you believe that time has come he could not walk away at all anymore.

However, this applies vice versa for you. You also do not owe him anything. Make what you want. You have the agony of choice. Neither morality nor finances, nor the fear of the Last Judgment can keep you captive. Maybe a good friendship will remain(perhaps on a even more relaxed mood). The monasteries have known this for centuries: The one that can be alone is in the best company. When you are old, better have loyal friends than a whining husband.

6. Ignore the wrong demands of others on you

We do not live in a catalog, although the power of pictures the media throws permanently at us might make us believe this. I think of the two singers Adele and Amy Winehouse; both daughters of single mothers. And yet one is the opposite of the other. Adele is the one that will not allow that anything interferes with what she has herself set up to do. This applies to her music, but equally to her bulky appearance. And compare this to the delicate Amy, who wanted to please everyone, who was not exploited only by the music industry, but also by the greedy father and the worthless lover. She even inflated her breasts. She has become an icon for all women that despair on others' demands on them.

My job implies to study every day the media, and I find there a seemingly endless parade of women who have reached the final stage of coquetry. Exhausted from hunger, operated beyond recognition. And always the shiny rays of jacket crowns on their faces. Victims of an internalized capitalism. Or are they victims of themselves, because they ignore any alternative? The sight of those women hurts my heart.

I believe you can lead a full life and build a wonderful home for the family by escaping perfection. You do not need to live the life that others want. You may be slanted and crooked, thick and not sporty, and life is beautiful anyway.

Personal responsibility is part of self-determination

7. The trap of feminism

Now I may be walking on ice, because I also owe my self-determined life to strong female role models. Above all, my mother (1917-2013), who was a real leader, and an incorruptible, unassuming and very direct character. She was not a feminist. She succeeded by the force of her personality.

No question, feminism is a good thing. It has revolutionized society in favor of women, a merit nobody can take away.

Nevertheless, the current feminism can become a trap for women. It does not necessarily lead to freedom and increased confidence, but rather too often to a permanent victim status. You cannot always make the others (in case of the feminists that would be the men) responsible for everything bad that happens to you, for every rejection or project that fails. I would rather wish the feminist debates would now start to look for the answer of the question: For what do I still have to blame myself?

To achieve true self-determination, you should start with self-responsibility. But the later is not much talked about, I am afraid.

Of course, I am not to be blamed if I am approached by a "sex mob". But it is my fault if I remain silent and I do not inform the police about the attack. Of course, I am not to be blamed if the partner thrashes me; but I am to blame if I stay with him, because he cares for me and I am sweetening my humiliating life with convenience. (Children are not an excuse either, but an pretext! A child lives better without a violent father, having instead a proud mother.)

Women are not always right. Many of them are too easily impressed, some buzz around the men as wrasses the shark. Women screw up and submit. Too many women believe it is important to have a man, and hoped he would stay if they got a child by him (and the next and the next man also). All this is not a "women's fate", but the result of simplicity and poor self-esteem. Sometimes feminism obstruct this hard, liberating look at the woman.

8. There is no alternative to children

I never wanted a child, children were annoying. All kids were afraid of me. When I was 35, my friends called me "mentally barren" and extolled the happiness of my unborn children. However, I eventually had a baby, because my husband wanted one so badly. And I've lost my heart. Today I am so grateful my husband demanded our daughter with a stubborn desire to have children. Who has a child must take leave of herself, raise her eyes from the own navel and set off into the distance. This is painful, but liberating. To assume responsibility for others - that is a world changing difference of perspective. It could be also named:  growing up.

Of course you can win this new insight without a biological parenthood. But with your own child it will happen easily and naturally. Career or children? Do not fear or even ask this question, it is pure ideology. A male or female boss that makes it hard for you to have children is, at least in long term, producing huge damage to his organization.

In my case, the career really went off only after the birth of my daughter. My lyrics were of a different quality, my language of a different temperature, my thoughts of a another dimension.

A male or female boss owe you to have both, children and a career. Society have to set up a frame for family life, so that they are protected from permanent ordeals. I think it would be good for any boss to have a child; for a female one even more. When, during the talk about the career perspective, a young female staff member says "I'm pregnant", the answer should be: "Wonderful! Congratulations! How do you imagine your future with us?"

To build up expectation is a female sickness

9. Disappointments are the best medicine

After each disappointment, one becomes smarter. Don’t bury yourself up the grief over some failures. This costs you a lot of energy, and you better invest that in a new start. But do not design a air-built castle that in a distant future should be your life. From rigid ideas and expectations about how one's own biography should run, only more misfortune will result. To build up high expectations is a female sickness. Too often life and plans are at odds. I usually cannot chose the really important things of life; they may be given or may not. Sometimes I will even get my wish fulfilled, only to have it taken away again. Then the best medicine to master the accompanying frustrations is humor. The receipt consists in a dose of serenity from morning to evening, one foamy mug of laughter per day, and 30 hours of good mood per week.

As the poet Hilde Domin wrote: "I put a foot on the air - and it hold."

10. No panic!

As a young woman, I was unhappy with my gender. For men, I thought, all the world is open, but not for me. I see this different today. I realize that in the meanwhile women do have as great a scope for decisions as men have.

Life consists, of course, basically of great emotions. However, your rational decisions are also involved, they will give to the emotions their rightful place in your mind. Trust your decisions more than your feelings. When you surrender to your feelings, you steer into a smokescreen.

Among the decisions that really matter is this one: Take your time. Not everything has to happen when you are between 25 and 40 years old. In today's modern societies, young woman have a life expectancy of 100 years now, and have with 50 the biological condition that formerly had a 35 years old. They can even freeze their eggs until they need them. Therefore, no panic. You can re-start with 60. Statistics are on your side.